Day #13: I Miss You?

On Friday, my friend Jesse asked if there was a dance at my school this fall. There is, but only the two of us could go, so we nixed that idea.
I remembered when we had went as a group this spring. I danced with my now ex-boyfriend. He wore the color of his eyes and when we finally slow danced, he looked at me so tenderly that I choked. I floated all night from that look and wrote a small poem about it. I started missing him a little more than I had been.

I saw him three times today. Like I had feared, he came into the children's ministry area, during my service. He saw me, he heard them say my name, and he looked away. Then he passed my college group classroom twice. He wore bright blue plaid, once again a favorite of mine.

I feel irrational. I felt like running to him, and crying into his chest, and promising anything. Even though I had never done anything of the sort when we were together.

I did not expect this.

I am not very good at feelings.

Now I think of a particular problem in our relationship that makes me wonder if I could trust him again.  I still feel so conflicted. I want to resolve these feelings, but are feelings problems to be resolved? Do I need to decide right now whether or not I would get back together with him?

It's going to be long year for sure. But what matters is if I work to make it a year of growth.

Thanks for reading,
Avery