Sing out loud to the car radio, especially with your bestie: Highly Recommended
Struggles
The ex-boyfriend frequents Starbuck like an addict. Non-single, male friend Bob asked me out to coffee as friends. He asked where I wanted to
go and while I initially pleaded no preference, in a panic I ended up picking
Starbucks. It was difficult stop thinking about the ex coming into Starbucks:
seeing me with Bob, misunderstanding, and being wounded.
He came physically close to me today. I was smiling at one of my friends, and the ex hugged someone from behind in my conversation circle. And my smile drifted with my eye gaze and made undeniable eye contact with him. I drifted my gaze and let my panic be felt by my close friend beside me. It's like he reached into my chest and just made me a little tangly for the rest of the afternoon.
I was watching a film called “Angus, Thongs, and Perfect
Snogging” and they described the Rubberband effect. When you pull away from a
guy, they pull closer. In the movie, the protagonist took another guy to the band
gig of the guy she really wants.
I had the horrible realization that I still want the ex to
pull closer.
It was ok to miss him a while ago. But now I’ve realized
that I don’t want to get back together and I’m in the bitter stage. To realize
that subconsciously I want him closer, is difficult to swallow. I resent it. I resent any semblance of power over me: the tangle in my chest, the want of pulling closer. I want nothing to do with him, nothing of him left on me.
I need to pray for him, to forgive him. But I want to run farther.
Thanks for reading,
Avery
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