I don’t know what kind of week would be best to break-up.
With my busy week, it kept my mind off of the break-up, but I had a lot of
trouble focusing in class and juggling responsibilities. But a slow week would allow a lot of time for dwelling and pining.
As I saw the break-up coming, I began a casual scoping out
of other men, even though I have no intention of dating anyone for at least a
year. Now that the break-up is official, my heart is a roulette
wheel of attraction.
At first, I felt guilty for having these multiple, new
attractions. I said to myself, “This is ridiculous! I haven’t even been single
for a week and I’m already drawn to other guys!” I wondered what was wrong with
me.
But my roommate and dearest friend Jacquelyn disagreed. She said that my “boyfriend walls” were down and that this was normal.
I resisted that idea for a while, but as I thought about it, I understood: God made us as creatures that are attracted to one another.
This is normal. There will be multiple people that will meet my fancy and this
isn’t wrong. It simply is. What counts is how I respond to it.
I’m attracted to that scruffy man in the second row of my
Greek class. That is ok. What counts is that I react to it in a godly way. If I
allow myself to daydream and use him as an emotional crutch, that is not ok.
But if I feel the attraction and move on, that’s ok.
I'm attracted to the nice boy that's been hanging out with my group lately. That is ok. But if I flirt with him and use his attention for my own selfish wants, then I'm in the wrong.
Jacquelyn suggests prayer in the face of these attractions. The prayer I use now is, “God, capture my heart.”
Thanks for reading,
Avery
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